Last night, my aunt rang, worried. My mom keeps telling everyone she's dying and wants to see them before she goes. Right. Well, aren't we all? Death is just a symptom of life, albeit the last.
I told Aunt Caroll, it may be true as ma is a bit psychic, but there's nothing I or anyone else can do. Sure, I'll visit her, whenever I can. But I won't drop everything to set up a death watch. Been there, done that and have the scars to prove it.
I will write my mother a real letter, though. Electronic is not substantial enough. I will tell her, that if she's dying, that's fine by me. I won't hold her back.
I may cry, or not, depending on how I feel. But emotions will pass and I'll take care of whatever her death entails. That's it. I'm ready. For her death, or my own.
Life is just a breath. And it's not for me to say when it ends. But until it does, I'm grateful for and make the best use of each breath when it comes. And then one won't. Death is that simple. When we struggle with the concept, we create confusion and stress. Why?
Warum sich mit dem Tod auseinandersetzen bevor er eigentlich da ist? Er kommt ohnehin, ob ich darauf warte, oder nicht. Nichts ist totsicherer. Ist das nicht befreiend? Eine sichere Sache im Leben, worum ich mich überhaupt nicht kümmern muss. Hurra! Wenn doch alles so einfach wäre...
