Death/ Tod

Last night, my aunt rang, worried. My mom keeps telling everyone she's dying and wants to see them before she goes. Right. Well, aren't we all? Death is just a symptom of life, albeit the last.

I told Aunt Caroll, it may be true as ma is a bit psychic, but there's nothing I or anyone else can do. Sure, I'll visit her, whenever I can. But I won't drop everything to set up a death watch. Been there, done that and have the scars to prove it.

I will write my mother a real letter, though. Electronic is not substantial enough. I will tell her, that if she's dying, that's fine by me. I won't hold her back.

I may cry, or not, depending on how I feel. But emotions will pass and I'll take care of whatever her death entails. That's it. I'm ready. For her death, or my own.

Life is just a breath. And it's not for me to say when it ends. But until it does, I'm grateful for and make the best use of each breath when it comes. And then one won't. Death is that simple. When we struggle with the concept, we create confusion and stress. Why?

Warum sich mit dem Tod auseinandersetzen bevor er eigentlich da ist? Er kommt ohnehin, ob ich darauf warte, oder nicht. Nichts ist totsicherer. Ist das nicht befreiend? Eine sichere Sache im Leben, worum ich mich überhaupt nicht kümmern muss. Hurra! Wenn doch alles so einfach wäre...

Flu/ Grippe

I read online (probably at http://www.funnywares.com/) that a famous US politician was asked whether he believed a black man would ever be president. Allegedly the man replied "when pigs fly". And what happened around the time of Obama's inauguration?

So, what ever happened to the swine flu? Amazing how it disappeared shortly after the pharmaceutical companies sold off their hastily prepared vaccines to collaborating governments. Some places even made the vaccine obligatory, I heard. Thank goodness I could let that one pass without participating in the mass panic and associated symptoms.

Fear spreads fast nowadays. Sickness, too. I've learned that my mind can create and reject sickness. Fear is one of the worst. Another tough one is stress. I let illness pass through me. If I get a cough, I let it cough. If a jaw swells, that's how it is.

The dentist prescribed antibiotics I'm not sure I needed. But I humoured him and took the pills faithfully--for a change. The antibiotics let my intestinal flora pass through, too--rapid turnover. So I'll set up new colonies with yoghurt and such. Life is constant change. And the medicines we take, an adventure. Thank goodness for painkillers, though. They really helped with the inflammation.

I am grateful for modern pharmaceuticals and the people who produce them. And as for the rest? Well, I have to die somehow. I'm just glad for every moment I live.

Ein ehem. Kollege schickte mir neulich ein Bericht über die fraglichen Praktiken der Pharmakonzerne und die zuständigen Gesundheitsbehörden bzgl. der Schweinegrippe. Und insbesondere bzgl. der rasch entwickleten und aggressiv vermarkten Impfpräparate. Im November hatte mich eine Bekannte gefragt, ob sie ihr Kind impfen lassen soll. Ich habe ihr die Entscheidung nicht abgenommen.

Ich selbst habe nie daran geglaubt, aber Glauben ist der Grundsatz jeglicher Pathologie und jedes Heilmittels. Man kann nur das bekommen, woran man glaubt. Man kann besonders sehr gut das erfahren, wovor man sich fürchtet. Keine Emotion hat eine solch starke Anziehungskraft wie Furcht. So zumindest sehe ich das.

Pharmakonzerne hin und her, ich glaube, dass alles, was existiert, seinen Platz und Berechtigung hat. Sonst gäbe es die Sachen nicht. Und ich glaube, alles verschwindet, wenn es seinen Zweck erfüllt hat. Sobald ich weiss, weshalb dieser Blog existiert, wird es vielleicht nicht mehr nötig sein, es zu schreiben. Bis dann!

Fatface/ Ins Gesicht

My dental surgeon was under stress. I heard it in his lengthy phone call to the previous patient's dentist. He spent a long time excusing himself for the job he'd done. "You'll say he's a great surgeon, but doesn't know much about casting teeth," he concluded, laughing sheepishly.

His confidence was down. Although he touched my shoulder briefly when he got to me, his mind was on the failure before. A couple times someone came in to ask questions about the pictures and the imprints from the case in question.

"This is going to be hard," he promised himself when he looked at the wisdom tooth he had to extract. And so it was. Unfortunately, my mouth was pinned open and I couldn't tell him we could make it easier if he wanted. He struggled and cursed. And just didn't pull hard enough.

I felt the half-hearted attempts, followed by more drilling and wished I could tell him to relax. It was worse for him than it was for me. If I were a better spiritual person, I would have asked him to meditate for a few breaths before he began. Instead, I took it as it came and have the fatface to prove it.

But that's okay. The swelling will go away. And my mouth will be just fine, despite the dental stress. It was just an interesting lesson in how stress and sickness can spread. And I know somehow, I was the source. I am as grateful to him for that lesson as I am for the work on my mouth.

Der Zahnarzt hatte Stress. Da konnte es nicht gut gehen, da er sich schon eingeredet hatte, es wäre schwierig. Beim ersten mal war es besser. Er war besser drauf, hatte nicht dieses geschlagene Gesicht von vornherein. Und mit geöffnetem Mund und gedecktem Gesicht, konnte ich ihn nicht trösten. Was habe ich wohl dieses Mal falsch gemacht?

Nun, es ist vorbei und meine blutunterlaufene Wange glänzt lila unterm linken Auge. Es sieht abenteuerlich aus. Zum Glück habe ich eine Zeit gewählt, wo ich vor meine Fans und die breitere Öffentlichkeit nicht auftreten muss. Es hat Zeit zu heilen. Ich hoffe, der Zahnarzt auch.

Editor/Redaktion

Thank God for great editors. The best ones aren't necessarily those with big names.

There was Elise Revere who accepted my very first story published this side of 21. And the Byline editor who was easy to get along with, or Lisa Trainer who rejected my material in such a sincere, polite way, I had to write and thank her. Angela Cox of Freelance Market News always had a positive, inspiring word. Jenny Shelley of OneUp became a friend. And most recently EW Oates at You & Me astounded me with her rapid processing of my piece. I re-read it yesterday and felt the tender tweaking that made the words just right. The whole essay flowed better thanks to her. It's amazing how one or two tiny things can make a huge difference.

Life doesn't have editors. There are coaches and counsellors galore, but the final edit is mine. I am responsible for what I put into the world. My blog isn't perfect, and neither am I. We're works in progress, developing and growing each day. And the greater purpose and direction? Only the big publisher knows. I just submit in my small way.

Das Leben ist wie ein Schriftstück wo ich selbst sowohl den Inhalt als auch die Schriftstellerin bin.

Wisdom/ Weise?

My impulse is to be still. It's a quiet, reflective moment of aloneness before the world stirs on a dark winter morn. The clacking of my keyboard is a rude intrusion on perfection. I don't hate what I'm doing, but I'm penitent. Who dares to break the silence of the universe?

I do.

Tomorrow I get the last of my wisdom teeth removed. Thank goodness for the dental surgeon and his staff who did a great job last time. Yay! I could use all the wisdom I can get, but my mouth will love the space and the freedom of movement.

Instead of searching for a reason to be, today I just am. I added a chapter to my online story Until Infinity yesterday and one reader wrote back to say the story had given her comfort during a stressful time in her life. Who would have thought? I won't question my reason for writing today. The truth is, I don't know why I do it, but I do.

Es ist immer noch unklar, weshalb ich hier schreibe. Gestern habe ich nach längerer Pause wieder einen Kapitel meinem Textnovel Roman hinzugefügt. Ich wußte nicht, was ich mit der Geschichte machen wollte, denn ich habe das Wettbewerb verloren. Ich hörte auf, um zu überlegen, wie ich nun vorgehen sollte. Gestern machte ich einfach weiter. Da schrieb mir eine Leserin und erklärte, sie habe sich über die Geschichte gefreut, und dass diese ihr während einer schweren Phase ihres Lebens geholfen habe. Sehe da!

Es geschieht nicht zum ersten mal, dass mein Schreiben ungeplant jemandem Mut und Trost spendet. In solchen Augenblicken höre ich auf nach den Gründen meines Tuns zu forschen und tue einfach, weil...

Why/ Warum?

Lately, I've been re-examining my main motivation for blogging. The Thousand Thanks action gave this blog form and purpose, but now that sense of direction is waning. Once you accomplish a goal, its relevance tends to fade. Funny how we keep setting ourselves new ones anyway.

Actually, I could just as easily not blog. But Nancy I. Sanders recommended it. Hope Clarke suggests its indispensible. These are writing experts who know what they're talking about. And they say a writer needs to write daily. The blog has been my committment to writing. But I also feel committed to writing something with purpose, something worthwhile that can help shape, if not change the world. My musing on how much snow fell yesterday won't cut it. But what will?

Today I am grateful to the pioneers who put this valuable tool at my fingertips by inventing the technology of the weblog. Tomorrow I figure out what exactly I want to do with it. Happy day!

Warum sollte ich einen Blog haben? Ich verkaufe nichts, will nichts, macht nichts. Ich blogge (ist das richtig Deutsch?) umd das Bloggen willen. Und wer das lesen soll, weiß ich auch nicht. Doch bin ich dankbar für die Technologie, für den PC, und alles drum und dran. Ich blogge, weil ich kann. Und den tieferen Sinn des Ganzen suche ich mir an einem anderen Tag.

Snow/ Schnee

I am grateful for snow. I grew up in a place without it and can still recall the first winter spent in temperate climes between New Mexico, Detroit and New York; we saw a lot of white. It was even frozen in Florida when we went to Disney World. I had to get a jacket from the Salvation Army because I didn't have the right clothes, nor the extra money to buy them in a regular store.

They say there's a storm coming and we should stock up. Some folks are scared and anxious about the implications. But I'm grateful for the snow, for the way it makes us realise that life has seasons and gently urges us to accept the changes. I love the way a snow-covered street is muffled by a special kind of silence, I love the way the flakes cling to my fingertips and nose when I touch them and decorate my hair like crown jewels. Safe passage to all who travel today.

Ich bin wohl nicht die einzige, die Schnee mag. Sonst wären alle Schlitten nicht aus den Lagern verschwunden. Wir spielen gern als Menschen, wollen aber auch freie Bahn haben überall. Ich wünschte, wir könnten zu Hause bleiben, weniger produktiv werden und mehr ausruhen im Winter wie andere Tiere das tun. Na ja, allen einen schönen Winter trotzdem.