Life runs in cycles. At least mine does. And I've just had another bout of sickness. I have nothing against sickness. I earned a good living from it once upon a time. But my head used to be set on resisting and resenting sickness as an opponent, a rival for my territory.
When Fan got it, I looked at him darkly. I didn't want to catch it, but my mind was too cluttered and busy to counter the bug. Fan looked almost pleased when I finally succumbed. He seemed to need me to share what he felt.
He stayed home from work because his health insurance allowed it. I kept working because I always work at home and went out to work because I don't get paid if I don't. But going out helped. It took me out of the sick house. Students offered distraction and throat lozenges, laughter and fulfilment.
I'm better now. Not completely, but I'm grateful for the lessons from this bout of illness: the passing of dark thoughts and angry attitudes, the adding of another strain of bacteria to my internal flora club, and altogether for the miracle of life, love, health and healing.
I have learned to be nicer to myself, to cough more gently, to blow my nose softly (I was a huge honker before). Even at this age, habits can change. This cold has been another down step on the journey, but I'm grateful for every step of the way.
Hugs for Haiti.
Ich bin krank. Wenn man es so nennen will. Mein Mann war es zuerst. Und ich hatte nicht die Kraft zu widerstehen. Doch da wir zusammen krank waren, enstand eine neue Art vom Verständnis, die Sprache des geteilten Leides.
Vermutlich habe ich vorher sein Leid nicht genug geteilt. Ich weiß ja immer besser, wie man denken und sein soll, um sich weiter zu entwickeln. Doch vielleicht war es notwendig, einfach unser gemeinsames Leiden zu zu gestehen, dass es existiert, dass wir deswegen nicht minderwertig sind, sondern nur dort sind, wo wir sind.
Es klärt sich wieder auf, im Kopf, in der Wohnung, auf meinem PC und bei meinen Unterlagen. Und meine Runde Krankheit klingt langsam ab. Gottseidank für Heilungsprozesse. Doch ohne Erkrankung hätte ich sie nie erfahren. Hurra!
