Superwoman/ Heldin

The other day I did a presentation with a woman who rocks. She tossed a powerpoint together in zero time. She pushed the agenda through, got copies of the worksheets done, even skipped the first day of her Master's course to be at the meeting.

Her eyes had deep rings, her face was badly scarred from a recent accident and she has work obligations up to her ears--no, probably over her head.

I was like that once. Never in over my head; I was too careful about keeping deadlines and such to take on too much. But I took on everything I could. I burned myself up, but I didn't burn out. What remained at the end was a tiny spark of life. Barely there, a precious flame. The source.

Now I take it easy; I'm careful about me. I would tell her where she's headed, except that kind of recognition must come from within. Some of us need to go to extremes, to taste the very edge of death (and I mean the far end) before we know what life means.

And that's fine. A woman's gotta do what a woman's gotta do. I'll hang out in the background and be her friend. Give a hand when she needs one (which she will very soon), and catch her, if I can, when she falls. But even if I don't do it, someone else will. Because she's precious. And God takes care of her own.

Hugs for Haiti!

Die enorme Energie meiner Kollegin war beeindruckend. Ich kenne sowas schon. So war ich auch in ihrem Alter. Ich habe ebenso Organisationen gefunden, denen ich meine Vision, Inspiration und Arbeit geschenkt habe. Und ich habe gewusst, wie alles besser gemacht werden konnte. Ich habe es ihnen gezeigt auf eigene Kosten. Und die Kosten waren enorm.

Dann starb ich. Dass ich doch am Leben bin ist nicht mein Verdienst. Und die Lebensflamme, die Hinterbliebene, ist just sehr klein, eine winzige Ahnung vom Dasein. Aber es reicht für alles, was ich noch zu erledigen habe. Hurra!

Ich bin dankbar, dass ich hier bin. Danke an alle, die mir geholfen haben und helfen werden.

Curve/ Die Kurve

Whatever the reason for my prolonged encounter with the dental surgeon and his staff, we've made the curve together. On my last visit, I was smiling. Broadly. No pain! Sometimes getting rid of a pain is better than never having pain at all. You don't know what you're missing, if you're always pain-free.

It was the pain that made me conscious that my teeth have feelings. Once the nerve was properly treated, it shut up. I am sooo grateful for a functioning oral cavity, I hope I never forget the experience. I'll never take my teeth for granted again. At least, not for a while.

Last night I shared information about the Lifelong Learning Programme and my Grundtvig experience. Yay! Afterwards, some English colleagues described how Germany has killed their spark, or seriously dampened it.

For many of us, working is a pain. We only do it because we love what we do, need the money, or find purpose in our tasks. The German system discourages people who work by undervaluing and overtaxing their work. It's a pain. But maybe this too can change?

Hugs for Haiti. And for Germany, too.

Das mit dem Zahnarzt habt Ihr schon mitgekriegt, oder? Es hat geklappt. Seine letzte Intervention war zwar schmerzhaft (kurz), doch hat er die Wundheilung dadurch gefördert und mich wieder auf die richtige Bahn gebracht. Hurra!

Die Heilung soll vier bis sechs Wochen dauern. Doch ich will es in zwei Wochen hinter mich bringen. Der Zahni meint, er sei dabei. Heh!

Das Grundtvig Programm bietet prekär Beschäftigte wie SprachtrainerInnen (so wie ich eine bin) die Gelegenheit, sich weiter zu bilden und zu entwickeln. Zum lernen ist keine (r) zu alt. Das hat angeblich neueste Forschung ergeben, doch ganz ehrlich, ich habe es auch so gewusst.

Trost/ Comfort

I overslept. Got up at six instead of five, but boy does the extra hour feel good. My mind's groggy, but it'll feel refreshed in a second or two. My body needs movement, a walk to the river perhaps. I'll slip into another life as the writing fiend takes over from the teacher type.

One of my "aunts" wrote to thank me for the condolences I sent when her husband died six months ago. I asked her if I could do anything. She replied that a letter now and then would be great. She says she loves the way I write.

It's an honour to be able to serve with my passion. Writing is a balm for the soul, my own and others. My ambition: to write to change my world. Inschallah.

Hugs for Haiti ...

Es gibt heute nicht viel zu sagen. Der Zahnschmerz ist fast weg. Ich bin dem Kieferchirurg äusserst dankbar. Er hat seine Arbeit prima gemacht. Und ich mache die eigene nicht ganz so schlecht. Hurra!

Heute geht es im Leben der Schriftstellerin weiter während die Trainerin Pause hat. Ich liebe dieses Doppel-, Dreifach- oder gar multiples Leben. Alle Aspekte meiner Persönlichkeit kommen voll zur Geltung. Welch ein Geschenk!

Influence/ Einfluss

Yesterday, my husband remarked that living with me is like having a corset, there are so many things he can't do. It's true. I was sent to be his conscience, to help him rewrite a life gone awry. To cover his back while he carves out a new reality.

And he was sent to loosen me up and goad me. He has a tough job of it, I can tell you. Ornery, stubborn, contrary, I'm all that and more. Yet, when I am convinced by his point of view--and it doesn't need to be dramatic--there's no-one more pliable and adaptable than I. Change is instantaneous.

So together we create a whole new way of being. It's not just compromise, it's about being convinced, really seeing things--especially yourself--through another person's eyes. And laughing. A lot. Thank goodness for relationships.

Es ist eine haarsträubende Geschichte, was ich und mein Mann alles mit einander erlebt haben. Und doch haben wir es geschafft, als ob das alles normal sei. Und irgendwie ist es auch. Wir nehmen das Leben wie es kommt, streiten wenig und diskutieren viel. Wir lassen auch nicht davon ab, uns gegenseitig verbessern zu wollen.

Manche sagen, man müsse einen Partner akzeptieren so wie er ist. Das stimmt nur bedingt. Denn wie man so ist, ist kein statischer Zustand. Und wie der andere wird, da hat ein Partner ein Wörtchen mit zu reden. Denn schließlich sind wir nicht umsonst gemeinsam unterwegs.

Hugs for Haiti!

Neuanfang/ Start

A new day, a new class. I am grateful for another opportunity to learn and to grow and to share a bit of what I know. May our class be blessed with happiness and success:
To Eva, Patrick, Winfried, Janat, Katarina, Hannelore, Gesa and Renate. To Carsten and Jean, and to me, too. Hurra!

Ein Neuanfang ist immer spannend. Wie werden sie sein? Was werden wir erreichen? Und wie? Ich weiß, dass der neuer Kurs ganz besonders wird. Auf ein gesegneter Tag, Woche und drei Monate zusammen.

Allen einen guten Montag und Hugs for Haiti!

Media

I am grateful to Kristina Kanaley. I don't know her, but she's coordinating an online course I'm doing. After resisting the flow of social media pressure, I decided to take a dip. I hope to become a small part of it; to contribute and to grow.

I love the peacefulness of the blog. My head gets wrapped around too much information and full of unnecessary noise very easily. But maybe I can let things come and go instead of trying to hold on. You never know unless you try. Best wishes to the world. Hugs for Haiti.

Heute bin ich den Menschen dankbar, die mir beibringen, wie ich mit den neuesten Trends im Internet auskomme. Manchmal kriege ich Bauchschmerzen von all dieser Information, die mir zur Verfügung steht. Ich vermisse die Ruhe. Doch will ich mich dem stellen und lernen damit umzugehen. Vielleicht macht es sogar soviel Spaß wie bloggen. Hurra!

Pause

Today's one of those days when inspiration is quiet. I respect the pauses. So thanks for this day and whatever it brings. Hugs for Haiti!

Die grosse Quelle der Wahrheit und der Inspiration hat heute Pause. Trotzdem: allen einen schönen, gesegneten Tag.

Jaws

It's amazing how the swelling persists. I'm sure there's a reason for it. At very least it gives me and friends something to joke about. I wanted to write something else today, but for the life of me can't recall what. Happy day to everyone. Hugs for Haiti!

Die Schwellung geht allmählich zurück, aber ein bißchen bleibt noch. Seit ich aber die Fäden gestern gezogen bekam, fühlt sich alles viel viel besser an. Erstaunlich, was so ein Faden ausmachen kann. Er war schrecklich eng gezogen. Jetzt ist mein Mund sich selber überlassen und die Heilung schreitet brav voran. Hurra!

Krankheitsgewinn

There's no English word I can think of that expresses it quite as well. Yet, every kid who ever faked a stomach ache to stay home from school has a good working knowledge of what it means. Krankheit means sickness, illness or disorder and Gewinn is profit, winnings, good or beneficial aspects of something. Basically Krankheitsgewinn is the brighter side of sickness.

The main beneficiaries are, I hear, the pharmaceutical companies. But hospital workers profit, too, when people get ill. That was one of my main dilemmas as a doctor. How could I endorse health for everyone--without limitations--while dependent on pershons for a job?

I've diversified to make my livelihood independent of other people's suffering as far as I can. Yet I'm still fascinated by sickness; it's my passion. Not for its own sake only, but also for the lessons I learn from my illnesses and other people's stories. And for the miracle of the healing journey. Yay! Thank goodness for healers and healing and all who help in between.

Heute morgen begegnete ich einen Geschäftsmann aus dem Dorf, der mir anfangs sehr behilflich war, bevor ich eine eigene Internetverbindung bekam. Wir begrüssten uns und er fragte, wie es mir ging. Ich erzählte, dass ich gerade vom Zahnarzt kam, und zeigte das dicke Gesicht.

Daraufhin vertieften wir uns in einem Gespräch über sein ähnliches Leiden vor vier Jahren. Zwischen s-Bahn und seinem Ladentür (höchstens 500 Meter) lief das. Für kurze Zeit waren wir auf einer Wellenlänge. Erstaunlich wie das Leiden verbindet. Irgendwie schön, aber kann man auch ohne Leiden so schnell zu solch tiefem Verständnis kommen?

Vision

While everyone's mourning about Haiti and moaning about everything else, I'm tuning in to a much better picture. So bright it brings tears to my eyes. Sure, I've wept for my complicity. I knew Haiti was poor all along. I knew the situation was precarious. I pushed knowledge aside and went on living. Callously. But God knows, it was the only way to stay sane.

I wasn't ready for reality. But I am now. Or getting there. Rapidly. Whee! What a ride! People, do not despair. This phase is passing. And we've got a chance at much better things. Yay!
Thanks to David Riklan whose Selfgrowth videos and newsletter have accelerated my development. He's helping me get set to take on the world. So, roll over, whomever!

Es mag ein wenig grössenwahnsinnig sein, aber plötzlich dämmert's. Ich kann wirklich etwas für die Welt tun. Ich tue es bereits. Es läuft besser als gebuttert. Schwierig ist nur, es nicht ganz auszuplappern bevor die Zeit reif ist. Na ja. Man wird es erfahren. Ha! Ich freue mich so...

Raison d' etre

Pardon my French, but I got it! I found a good reason to blog. Yesterday's theme stayed with me all day. Death is a universal, relevant topic that a lot of people are concerned about, and everybody must face. And I really love it.

I've been close and lost the fear of it. I can introduce my friend Death online and help folks approach it in a more relaxed way. Yay!

It will mean the birth of a new blog. I'm working on it, don't want to be premature (as I was myself). Thank goodness for my mother and her dying song. I'll make a duet of it, go through the steps with her, and anyone else who wants to dance along.

Oh thank you, God! (My agent, source of inspiration and best friend)

Meine Mutters Beschäftigung mit dem Tod hat plötzlich einen Sinn. Wenn man sich ohnehin damit auseinandersetzen muß, wieso nicht mit einem Blog? Ich bereite eine Webseite oder Ähnliches vor, die meine Arbeit in dieser neuen Phase (ich habe mich ziemlich entwickelt seit dieser Blog von sich aus entstand) besser darstellt.

Aber dieser, mein erster Blog, er bleibt bestehen. Vielleicht geht er in die unbezahlte Rente und arbeitet nur ab und zu...Mal sehen. Ich sage rechtzeitig Bescheid, falls Ihr da seid. Schönen Sonntag.

Death/ Tod

Last night, my aunt rang, worried. My mom keeps telling everyone she's dying and wants to see them before she goes. Right. Well, aren't we all? Death is just a symptom of life, albeit the last.

I told Aunt Caroll, it may be true as ma is a bit psychic, but there's nothing I or anyone else can do. Sure, I'll visit her, whenever I can. But I won't drop everything to set up a death watch. Been there, done that and have the scars to prove it.

I will write my mother a real letter, though. Electronic is not substantial enough. I will tell her, that if she's dying, that's fine by me. I won't hold her back.

I may cry, or not, depending on how I feel. But emotions will pass and I'll take care of whatever her death entails. That's it. I'm ready. For her death, or my own.

Life is just a breath. And it's not for me to say when it ends. But until it does, I'm grateful for and make the best use of each breath when it comes. And then one won't. Death is that simple. When we struggle with the concept, we create confusion and stress. Why?

Warum sich mit dem Tod auseinandersetzen bevor er eigentlich da ist? Er kommt ohnehin, ob ich darauf warte, oder nicht. Nichts ist totsicherer. Ist das nicht befreiend? Eine sichere Sache im Leben, worum ich mich überhaupt nicht kümmern muss. Hurra! Wenn doch alles so einfach wäre...

Flu/ Grippe

I read online (probably at http://www.funnywares.com/) that a famous US politician was asked whether he believed a black man would ever be president. Allegedly the man replied "when pigs fly". And what happened around the time of Obama's inauguration?

So, what ever happened to the swine flu? Amazing how it disappeared shortly after the pharmaceutical companies sold off their hastily prepared vaccines to collaborating governments. Some places even made the vaccine obligatory, I heard. Thank goodness I could let that one pass without participating in the mass panic and associated symptoms.

Fear spreads fast nowadays. Sickness, too. I've learned that my mind can create and reject sickness. Fear is one of the worst. Another tough one is stress. I let illness pass through me. If I get a cough, I let it cough. If a jaw swells, that's how it is.

The dentist prescribed antibiotics I'm not sure I needed. But I humoured him and took the pills faithfully--for a change. The antibiotics let my intestinal flora pass through, too--rapid turnover. So I'll set up new colonies with yoghurt and such. Life is constant change. And the medicines we take, an adventure. Thank goodness for painkillers, though. They really helped with the inflammation.

I am grateful for modern pharmaceuticals and the people who produce them. And as for the rest? Well, I have to die somehow. I'm just glad for every moment I live.

Ein ehem. Kollege schickte mir neulich ein Bericht über die fraglichen Praktiken der Pharmakonzerne und die zuständigen Gesundheitsbehörden bzgl. der Schweinegrippe. Und insbesondere bzgl. der rasch entwickleten und aggressiv vermarkten Impfpräparate. Im November hatte mich eine Bekannte gefragt, ob sie ihr Kind impfen lassen soll. Ich habe ihr die Entscheidung nicht abgenommen.

Ich selbst habe nie daran geglaubt, aber Glauben ist der Grundsatz jeglicher Pathologie und jedes Heilmittels. Man kann nur das bekommen, woran man glaubt. Man kann besonders sehr gut das erfahren, wovor man sich fürchtet. Keine Emotion hat eine solch starke Anziehungskraft wie Furcht. So zumindest sehe ich das.

Pharmakonzerne hin und her, ich glaube, dass alles, was existiert, seinen Platz und Berechtigung hat. Sonst gäbe es die Sachen nicht. Und ich glaube, alles verschwindet, wenn es seinen Zweck erfüllt hat. Sobald ich weiss, weshalb dieser Blog existiert, wird es vielleicht nicht mehr nötig sein, es zu schreiben. Bis dann!

Fatface/ Ins Gesicht

My dental surgeon was under stress. I heard it in his lengthy phone call to the previous patient's dentist. He spent a long time excusing himself for the job he'd done. "You'll say he's a great surgeon, but doesn't know much about casting teeth," he concluded, laughing sheepishly.

His confidence was down. Although he touched my shoulder briefly when he got to me, his mind was on the failure before. A couple times someone came in to ask questions about the pictures and the imprints from the case in question.

"This is going to be hard," he promised himself when he looked at the wisdom tooth he had to extract. And so it was. Unfortunately, my mouth was pinned open and I couldn't tell him we could make it easier if he wanted. He struggled and cursed. And just didn't pull hard enough.

I felt the half-hearted attempts, followed by more drilling and wished I could tell him to relax. It was worse for him than it was for me. If I were a better spiritual person, I would have asked him to meditate for a few breaths before he began. Instead, I took it as it came and have the fatface to prove it.

But that's okay. The swelling will go away. And my mouth will be just fine, despite the dental stress. It was just an interesting lesson in how stress and sickness can spread. And I know somehow, I was the source. I am as grateful to him for that lesson as I am for the work on my mouth.

Der Zahnarzt hatte Stress. Da konnte es nicht gut gehen, da er sich schon eingeredet hatte, es wäre schwierig. Beim ersten mal war es besser. Er war besser drauf, hatte nicht dieses geschlagene Gesicht von vornherein. Und mit geöffnetem Mund und gedecktem Gesicht, konnte ich ihn nicht trösten. Was habe ich wohl dieses Mal falsch gemacht?

Nun, es ist vorbei und meine blutunterlaufene Wange glänzt lila unterm linken Auge. Es sieht abenteuerlich aus. Zum Glück habe ich eine Zeit gewählt, wo ich vor meine Fans und die breitere Öffentlichkeit nicht auftreten muss. Es hat Zeit zu heilen. Ich hoffe, der Zahnarzt auch.

Editor/Redaktion

Thank God for great editors. The best ones aren't necessarily those with big names.

There was Elise Revere who accepted my very first story published this side of 21. And the Byline editor who was easy to get along with, or Lisa Trainer who rejected my material in such a sincere, polite way, I had to write and thank her. Angela Cox of Freelance Market News always had a positive, inspiring word. Jenny Shelley of OneUp became a friend. And most recently EW Oates at You & Me astounded me with her rapid processing of my piece. I re-read it yesterday and felt the tender tweaking that made the words just right. The whole essay flowed better thanks to her. It's amazing how one or two tiny things can make a huge difference.

Life doesn't have editors. There are coaches and counsellors galore, but the final edit is mine. I am responsible for what I put into the world. My blog isn't perfect, and neither am I. We're works in progress, developing and growing each day. And the greater purpose and direction? Only the big publisher knows. I just submit in my small way.

Das Leben ist wie ein Schriftstück wo ich selbst sowohl den Inhalt als auch die Schriftstellerin bin.

Why/ Warum?

Lately, I've been re-examining my main motivation for blogging. The Thousand Thanks action gave this blog form and purpose, but now that sense of direction is waning. Once you accomplish a goal, its relevance tends to fade. Funny how we keep setting ourselves new ones anyway.

Actually, I could just as easily not blog. But Nancy I. Sanders recommended it. Hope Clarke suggests its indispensible. These are writing experts who know what they're talking about. And they say a writer needs to write daily. The blog has been my committment to writing. But I also feel committed to writing something with purpose, something worthwhile that can help shape, if not change the world. My musing on how much snow fell yesterday won't cut it. But what will?

Today I am grateful to the pioneers who put this valuable tool at my fingertips by inventing the technology of the weblog. Tomorrow I figure out what exactly I want to do with it. Happy day!

Warum sollte ich einen Blog haben? Ich verkaufe nichts, will nichts, macht nichts. Ich blogge (ist das richtig Deutsch?) umd das Bloggen willen. Und wer das lesen soll, weiß ich auch nicht. Doch bin ich dankbar für die Technologie, für den PC, und alles drum und dran. Ich blogge, weil ich kann. Und den tieferen Sinn des Ganzen suche ich mir an einem anderen Tag.

Snow/ Schnee

I am grateful for snow. I grew up in a place without it and can still recall the first winter spent in temperate climes between New Mexico, Detroit and New York; we saw a lot of white. It was even frozen in Florida when we went to Disney World. I had to get a jacket from the Salvation Army because I didn't have the right clothes, nor the extra money to buy them in a regular store.

They say there's a storm coming and we should stock up. Some folks are scared and anxious about the implications. But I'm grateful for the snow, for the way it makes us realise that life has seasons and gently urges us to accept the changes. I love the way a snow-covered street is muffled by a special kind of silence, I love the way the flakes cling to my fingertips and nose when I touch them and decorate my hair like crown jewels. Safe passage to all who travel today.

Ich bin wohl nicht die einzige, die Schnee mag. Sonst wären alle Schlitten nicht aus den Lagern verschwunden. Wir spielen gern als Menschen, wollen aber auch freie Bahn haben überall. Ich wünschte, wir könnten zu Hause bleiben, weniger produktiv werden und mehr ausruhen im Winter wie andere Tiere das tun. Na ja, allen einen schönen Winter trotzdem.

Spirit/ Geistig

Yesterday a spiritual leader from Bhutan blessed our town. He wished that clouds of joy or something like that would encompass the city. A simple word of blessing, but I'm sure I felt the repercussions. A peacefulness surrounded me when I saw his face.

I am grateful to all the spiritual leaders who provide us with guidance and inspiration. Sometimes I wonder if my blog is worth writing. It doesn't have the power that those spiritual leaders have. But it's my contribution to good spirits in the world. When it's most challenging to find something to be grateful for, perhaps that's when gratitude is worth the most.

Heute bedanke ich mich beim spirituellen Vertreter aus Bhutan, der gestern unsere Stadt gesegnet hat. Und bei allen anderen Geistigen, die uns dazu auffordern, über den Alltag hinaus die Bedeutung des Lebens und unserer Existenz zu suchen--und manchmal zu finden, oder zumindest zu erahnen.

Custodial/ Putz

I am grateful for all the people who clean and clear away the rubbish that others leave behind. At all my workplaces and schools, there were faithful souls, seldom seen, working behind the scenes to keep life pleasant for the rest of us. I smiled and chatted with a few of them, but apart from Mrs Plummer from kindergarten days, I hardly knew their names. I'm sorry about that. I wish I could thank each of them personally for the work they did. I also am grateful to the garbage men/ sanitation workers in all the places I've lived who kept me from drowning in refuse. Bless them all!

Gottseidank für die Menschen, die immer wieder saubermachen! Ich schätze ihre Arbeit sehr.

Neighbours/ Nachbarn

In the week before Christmas we found neat little bags of cookies hanging on our door. When the heating guy came by, the man from downstairs let him in. We don't have an awful lot of contact with our neighbours, but what we've had has been good. I'm grateful for good neighbours here and everywhere.

Danke an die Familien, die in unserem Haus leben. Ich freue mich wenn der Kleine unten morgens auf den Weg zum KiTa singt, und muß lächeln, wenn ich die Mädchen gegenüber Klavier üben höre. Besonders gut kennen wir uns nicht, aber dennoch gibt es ein allgemeines Wohlwollen zwischen uns. Gottseidank für gute Nachbarn.